


To infinity and beyond

by Bill_Longbow



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Don't copy to another site, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, M/M, Rating May Change, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-10 13:36:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19906579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bill_Longbow/pseuds/Bill_Longbow
Summary: Tony has the worst night of the year. Standing alone on the porch of the costume party in his self made Buzz Lightyear suit he's feeling very sorry for himself, but then Bucky arrives and turns his life upside down.





	1. Dolled up

**Author's Note:**

> All the prompts for the winteriron week were lovely and I had a hard time choosing, but for this first day I went with: First meetings  
> Thank you to Wini for looking this over!
> 
> The prompts will make one longer fic and I hope to post one each day (famous last words).
> 
> Please let me know what you think!

“So… Buzz Lightyear, huh?"

Tony doesn't even look up at the person who just came out of the house to laugh at him. He's had quite enough of that tonight, thank you very much. Apparently 'costume party' means slapping on a bow tie or a cowboy hat, not wearing an actual costume. 

"Love the details, where did you rent it?"

Tony looks up to tell the guy off, or possibly throw his schmenzy micro brewery beer into the man's face, but the sight makes his jaw drop and he stares for several seconds before breaking out in a grin. 

"Little Bo Peep?"

"The one and only." Bo nods his head in greeting, making the golden ringlets of his wig jiggle merrily. 

"You're a sight for sore eyes, ma’am," Tony says in his best approximation of a superhero voice.

“Likewise, kind sir,” Bo grins with a horrible Southern twang. “The folks inside all pointed this way. Name’s Bucky,” Bo, no Bucky, says in his normal voice and with his hand outstretched.

“You’re _Bucky_ ?” Tony asks incredulously. “I’m _Tony_ ," he stresses, hoping his former friend - because no way will he talk to Steve for at least a year after this - ever mentioned him to his best buddy and pal. Tony's eyes stray to Bucky's left side for a minute where, as it should, his left arm is missing. 

“ _You’re_ Tony?” Bucky asks with a huge scowl. Well, that answers that question. 

“Imma wrangle that little punk’s neck,” Bucky mutters, pulling back his hand Tony forgot to shake in his surprise.

It’s clear Bucky isn’t as pleasantly surprised as Tony. Somehow in the description of his best friend Steve had neglected to mention Bucky could easily pass for a model, even with the silly wig and dress. Especially with the dress in Tony’s opinion. But apparently a scrawny Buzz isn’t what floats Bo’s boat.

“So, where’s sheriff Woody?” Tony asks, taking a huge sip of his disgusting beer to give the impression he’s totally unconcerned about the whole ordeal. 

“Asthma attack. Sam’s with him.” 

Sam. Another one of Steve’s buddies Tony has yet to meet.

“But I’m betting those two are laughing their ass off as we speak.” Bucky leans his staff against the porch railing and pulls a bottle of beer from the front pocket of his dress. He deftly opens it one handed and takes a sip.

“Fuck, that tastes awful. What the hell is wrong with these people?” Bucky scowls at the beer bottle to peer at the label, then back at the house where apparently someone is crashing through something judging by noise.

“I got real beers at my place. We might as well get shit faced on good stuff,” he mutters darkly.

Tony watches him pick up his staff and stomp off - nothing dainty about Bo now - and puts his own beer down. He’ll go home as well now he knows Steve won’t show up.

"You coming or what?" Bucky hollers from the garden fence, and Tony almost trips in shock. He was certain, more than certain, that the night was a bust and Steve's best friend hated him on sight - which is less uncommon than one might think - but Tony is notorious for misreading social cues. 

He points at himself in confusion, making Bucky roll his eyes in annoyance. 

"No. The _other_ punk in a big ass space ranger costume. C'mon, we can swap embarrassing stories about Steve and pretend we're in a relationship to get back at him," Bucky grins.

Tony ponders his options. Stay here and get laughed at some more, go home and have a pity party with leftover pizza by himself, or get back at Steve and get to know the hottest guy he has met in months in one go.

"Alright," he nods, calm and collected, and manages not to fall down the stairs of the porch in his suit. “Lead the way, sheppard lady,” he can’t help but say as he tries but fails to _not_ check out Bucky’s ass in the dress. 

“Don’t make me whoop your ass, _Buster,_ ” Bucky answers, holding up his staff menacingly. Even one armed Tony doesn’t doubt Bucky could kick his ass from here to Sunday, and Tony holds up his hands in surrender.

“I’m sure there’s something in the space ranger code about hitting ladies,” he grins and ducks to the side just in time to miss being clubbed on the head. 

“How’d you get here, space clown? We could share an uber?” Bucky leans his staff against his collarbone so he can scoop his phone from the front pocket of his dress.

“That thing is like Mary Poppins’ bag, what else have you got in there?” Tony wants to step close to peer inside, but his bulky suit won’t let him.

“On earth we have a thing called personal space,” Bucky warns him, his scowl back in full force.

“Sorry.” Curiosity killed the genius. 

“I actually drove here.” He nods at the black Mustang parked haphazardly on the grass between two other cars. “I can just fit behind the wheel,” he grins as he pats the front of his costume. He was really proud of the thing before he found himself the laughing stock of the party; no way is he gonna admit out loud he 3d printed it himself.

For a moment Tony thinks Bucky will decline a ride, his scowl so deep it almost obscures his eyes, but then Bucky shrugs and walks over to the passenger side. “Take me home, Buzz.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Shi-Toyu and Sky for cheering me through this chapter!  
> I started this project thinking it would be five fluffy little ficlets, but the characters had other ideas...
> 
> Please let me know what you think!
> 
> For day 2 of winteriron week I chose the prompt: "You done yet?"

Bucky can’t help but sneak peeks at Tony during the drive, feeling a mixture of dread, glee, and more dread. He can’t believe he suggested a fake relationship within two minutes of meeting the hottest guy in the greater New York area,  _ while dressed as Little Bo Peep. _ He is so gonna kill Steve. 

It's only a short drive from the party to his apartment, apparently. His uber driver had taken over an hour, but Bucky strongly suspects the kid hadn’t slept for over 48 hours and had used something to stay awake. When Tony rolls up to the curb, Bucky’s stomach clenches in the anticipation of rejection. This is where Tony will tell him and his creepy plans to get lost. Bucky doesn’t even know  _ why _ he suggested what he did, other than that he panicked when Tony didn’t seem inclined to go with him. Which was a perfectly reasonable response, since all the guy had seen of Bucky was his grumpy one armed shepherdess persona. Not the best catch. Not when you looked like Tony.

Tony kills the motor and Bucky braces himself for a Talk, but to his surprise Tony unbuckles himself and exits, looking expectantly at Bucky from the curb. 

Well. Okay then.

He goes in front of Tony up the stairs to his apartment, and listens at the front door to see if he hears anyone inside. He guesses Steve would’ve stayed at Sam’s for the night, but it would be just like his friend to suddenly show up here to thwart his plans. All is quiet though, so he opens the door with a flourish and stands to the side to let Tony in first. 

“Space heroes first,” he says in his southern twang, hoping that playing the Bo Peep part will get him back to his equilibrium.

He feels like a tool when Tony only replies with a small smile and wiggles sideways past Bucky towards the door. 

“Err, a little help?” Tony asks awkwardly when the chestplate of his suit sticks in the doorway, and it’s enough to relieve the tension between them.

Bucky grins as he pushes against the suit with his shoulder, which doesn’t make it budge one inch. If anything he wedges the thing in even tighter. 

“To infinity, but not beyond the door,” Bucky chuckles and tries again, not making any headway at all.

“This is not remotely funny!” Tony says in a bad attempt to not smile himself when Bucky can’t control his laughter any longer.

Bucky leans back against the wall and points at Tony. “Buzz got stuck tryin' ta sneak into Bo Peep’s apartment,” he hiccups with laughter. The image is just too funny for his frayed nerves and he has to wipe tears off his cheeks. 

“Bo shouldn’t go around showing his pantyhose; you can hardly fault Buzz,” Tony grins and it sets Bucky off again. 

“I always pegged Buzz as a chest man, but apparently I was mistaken,” Bucky chuckles and dries his eyes with his sleeve. 

“Can you get out?” he nods at the suit.

“I er, might be able to climb out of it?” Tony says doubtfully as he looks down. “I have to get the leg pieces off first though.” Tony tries to reach his foot, but the chestplate is too bulky to reach around. 

Is that a blush Bucky detects? Probably in shame. Or because the guy’s straight as an arrow and Bucky will be fiddling near his private parts. 

Bucky nods and kneels at Tony’s feet, which doesn’t help the awkwardness of the situation at all. 

“There’s a latch at my ankle,” Tony says helpfully and wiggles his foot.

“Hold still,” Bucky mutters and feels around Tony’s leg while he pretends his face isn’t occupying roughly the same space at Tony’s crotch. After some groping, he finds the latch and manages to pull the boot from Tony’s foot, and then the other as well.

This still leaves the thigh pieces, and Bucky looks up at Tony in question.

“I er.. I think I can do these myself." Tony can just about reach his thighs with one hand, but not with the other, though he tries for a good minute before giving up and huffing in annoyance. He looks down at Bucky with those large eyes Steve definitely should've warned Bucky about and waves at his legs. "Those are a twist and click system, I can't do them one-handed."

"I can lend one? How'd you get in anyway?" Bucky asks as he scoots closer again. 

"My er…  _ friend _ helped me." 

Looking up, Bucky notices Tony is blushing bright red now and Bucky wonders what's going on in the supposed genius’ head. One detail Steve did divulge was how insanely smart Tony is. 

He carefully puts his hand on the inside of Tony's leg. "On three, okay?"

It takes four tries, and just when Bucky wants to threaten to put a saw to the thing the thigh piece clicks loose.

"Oh thank God," he sighs in relief, but when he lets go the part falls down and a pair of bright red briefs is revealed. Bucky quickly looks away, cursing Steve some more. 

_ Don't ogle his dick, don't ogle his dick.  _

It's amazing what the right motivation can do, because they get the second thigh piece off in one go and Bucky hurriedly stands and backs away. 

He watches Tony pull off his sleeves and push himself up on the sides of the suit, the muscles of his arms and back working and, damn, Steve  _ really _ should've told Bucky about how fit Tony is. Bucky can't look away - it’s like watching a train wreck, but a really pretty, really fit train wreck - when Tony braces his knees on the suit. 

There's a precarious moment when Tony's about to jump out and the suit drops a few inches and Bucky shoots forward to steady him. This brings them chest to chest and Bucky is acutely aware of how nice Tony smells. Steve hadn’t said anything about that, either.

The moment stretches with Bucky unmotivated to pull away, but then Tony breaks out in a grin and blows a ringlet out of Bucky’s face.

It’s Bucky’s turn to blush - he had forgotten all about the stupid wig - and he covers it with rolling his eyes. 

“Punk,” he tells Tony and steps back far enough to allow Tony to jump from the suit. 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Tony laughs and turns to look at the suit. “I was sure you were gonna take an axe to it.”

“I might just yet,” Bucky growls as he tears the wig off his head. He defaults back into acting grumpy as soon as he feels uncomfortable, and having Tony here in nothing but his underwear is more than enough to make him feel uncomfortable. Tony doesn’t seem to hear him, though, as the supposed genius is busy examining the edge of the suit. This gives Bucky an unprecedented look at Tony’s ass, and of all the things Steve neglected to tell Bucky, he’s most surprised about the ass. How can one  _ not _ take notice of that ass?

“I think I can get it out without damaging it too much. Do you have a large kitchen knife or something like that?” Tony turns around and Bucky hurriedly fixes his eyes on something neutral, which happens to be the ceiling and isn’t conspicuous at all. 

“What do you take me for,” he mutters darkly in response. He’s learned that answering in platitudes both works as a deterrent for further questions and can be a truly funny way to confuse people, and it’s become a habit he can’t shake. “It’s in yonder kitchen, though, as you could’ve guessed.”    
  
“Okay!” Tony says brightly and folds himself in half to slither underneath the suit into Bucky’s apartment. Where Bucky is not. The panic of trying to remember if he left anything embarrassing out in the open is a good distraction of the visual of Tony being bendy as fuck; another thing to be mad at Steve about. 

Before he knows it, Tony is back and has done  _ something _ to the suit which makes it fold enough to pull it from the door. 

“Not sure why I’m being careful,” Tony admits a bit sheepishly. “It’s not like I’m gonna wear it again.”

It’s the little shrug and the resignation in Tony’s voice that get to Bucky. He has always been a sucker for tiny, sad creatures - case in point: his best friend. Ironically enough, it’s Steve’s allergies that prevent Bucky from picking up (more) strays. It makes him want to pull the smaller man into a hug and fight anyone who made him feel bad. Instead, he steps into his house and closes the door behind him. His hallway is so small this forces Tony into the living room, where he stands awkwardly hugging the suit.

“I’ll get you something to wear. You grab us a pair of beers from the fridge.” Bucky nods towards the kitchen at the far end of the living room and walks to his bedroom. Steve’s clothes would fit Tony better, but if they’re really doing this fake thing Tony should be seen wearing something of Bucky’s.

He walks back with a pair of sweats and a very soft sweater to find Tony looking at the pictures on the wall behind the couch. When he hears Bucky enter he turns around and waves his arms awkwardly at his side, obviously missing pockets for putting his hands in.

“Here.” Bucky throws him the clothes and pretends to get something from the kitchen as Tony dresses. They might as well have snacks with their drinks.

Tony is sitting pressed into the corner of the couch when Bucky turns around with a packet of Doritos that miraculously escaped Steve's attention. 

“How come your doorway's so tiny?" Tony asks when Bucky settles down across from him. 

Bucky screws open his beer and holds it up to Tony in a silent toast, relieved when Tony returns the gesture with a wink. 

"Former landlord moved around some walls to create that inner hallway slash cloakroom type corridor thing. Not sure why. When they moved the entrance they had to make it fit in the new design." Bucky likes his quirky little apartment. All the rooms are an odd shape which is strangely comforting. 

They both take a sip of their beer.

"So," Tony starts again, "your plan?"

"Right," Bucky grins, trying to project he has a plan instead of being disappointed. In the commotion of getting Tony inside he had forgotten Tony only is here to get back at Steve, not for his enjoyment. "I'm 98% sure Steve knew we'd be the only ones going in a full costume, though I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt in thinking he was gonna dress up as well.”

Tony nods. “He did go on and on about his sheriff's costume.” 

“Which I haven’t seen a shred of evidence of,” Bucky continues. It could be at Steve’s studio, Steve was gonna come straight from there to the party. Still. Bucky finds it suspicious.

“Hmm,” Tony hums non comittantly. “He  _ is  _ a massive troll.” To Bucky, this is evidence Steve and Tony really are friends, because people who don’t know Steve live in the illusion he’s a little angel. 

“And he made us look like idiots,” Bucky nods and takes another sip of his beer. He notices Tony takes a quick peek at the parts of his suit that lie in a heap next to the couch, a sudden blush high on his cheeks. 

“I like  _ your _ outfit,” Bucky is quick to add, but Tony only shrugs.

“Sure. And I love your dress.”

Bucky can’t help but feel like he missed some sort of opportunity here, but for the life of him he can’t think of what he should’ve said. He  _ knows _ he should tell Tony he’s not interested in faking it and ask him for a coffee. But the way Tony seems reluctant to interact with him doesn’t boost Bucky's confidence that’ll work out. Maybe faking it isn’t such a bad idea. They can get to know each other, play a prank on Steve, and then go out for real. 

“Well. Stevie’s an old fashioned guy. He ain’t a prude, but he believes in romantic love for the ages, ya know? Sixty years of marriage and still buying each other roses, that kind of thing. He doesn’t get casual hookups or friends with benefits and stuff.” Bucky tries to sound casual about it, but he feels anything but. It's been ages since someone showed any kind of interest in him, and listing these types of relationships fills him with a longing so bad it makes his stomach churn. Anything is welcome, even fake friends with fake benefits. 

"Okay," Tony nods, looking at his beer instead of Bucky. "So I'll pretend to sleep over, shock Steve and his delicate sensibilities and then we go  _ surpriiiise? _ " 

Bucky snorts at Tony's jazz hands. 

"That's the gist of it?" 

"A simple plan, what could go wrong, really?" Tony smirks and pulls his legs up under him, making him look small and vulnerable in a way that shouldn't be as attractive. Maybe it's because he's wearing Bucky's clothes that makes some part of Bucky's hindbrain go into caveman mode. 

"And what does a shepherd do for fun around here?" Tony grins and holds up his free hand when Bucky throws a Dorito his way. 

"Sorry, sorry, that was the last time, I swear." He snatches the snack off the couch and eats it as he waits for Bucky to answer. 

"Apart from being seduced by fancy aliens?" Bucky nods at Tony with a leer. He doesn't expect Tony to giggle, but, damn, does he like it. 

"I don't know, we could watch a series on Netflix?" 

  
  


Suggesting fake dating was both his best and his worst idea by far. Best because hanging out with Tony is a hoot. Tony turns out to share Bucky's brand of sarcasm, and his running commentary on what they were watching had Bucky in stitches. 

At one point Bucky had joined Tony on the couch, and where it could've felt uncomfortable to share his space with a near stranger it felt… nice. 

Worst because after Tony couldn't stop yawning Bucky had made up the couch - he knew Steve wouldn't be in before ten at least - and they had said awkward goodnights. Bucky couldn't catch a wink of sleep because he knew he was falling, and falling hard for a guy who wasn't interested in him at all. 

At nine he gets out of bed without the help of the alarm, feeling every one of his 32 years. He's too damned old for broken nights like this. 

The sight that greets him when he shuffles into the living room makes his bad mood evaporate like… like something that evaporates quickly, he can't come up with a good metaphor. He's too mesmerized by Tony's hair that's curly without product, and his face which seems even younger in his sleep, and the one leg he kicked free off the blanket. 

With a huff, Bucky deliberately makes noise as he walks past the couch. He shouldn't imprint on the first person that's remotely nice to him outside his usual friends. He's setting himself up for heartbreak, he chides himself. 

He bumps into the little side table with more force than he intended, and Tony shoots straight up. 

"Wha?" Tony asks, looking this way and that before his eyes settle in Bucky. 

"Steve's about to come home, so it's showtime," he smiles, softer than he intends. 

Tony nods and yawns. As he stretches the blanket pools at his hips, revealing way too many details for Bucky's overactive imagination. 

"You take a shower and I'll make it look like you slept with me," Bucky suggests. He needs to stick to the plan, the plan is simple. Tony said it himself and he's a genius. 

"No coffee first?" Tony pouts and looks at Bucky with huge, sad eyes. Not even Stevie Rogers ever managed a look so wrought with resigned sadness and Bucky almost folds like a lawn chair. 

"Shower first, coffee second." The look turns even sadder and Bucky knows he's weak. "I'll whip out my percolator," he adds to soften the message, and the smile Tony gifts him lights up the whole room. 

"I'll help you with these," Tony says brightly, picking up all the bedding in one go. "I need to know how your bedroom looks, anyway," he adds with a wink. 

  
  
  


Together they make the bed look like two people slept in it, and Bucky gives Tony a towel and rummages in his closet to find him clean clothes. 

Bucky hears Steve come in just as Tony turns on the shower. Perfect. He listens to Steve rummage through their apartment. Steve has probably swung by the Saturday morning market, which means he had coffee at their usual haunt and needs the toilet right about…

“You done yet?” Steve hollers through the hall, loud enough for someone under the shower to hear. 

Bucky gets out of bed when the shower turns off and peeks around the corner. Steve doesn’t notice him as he leans against the wall, waiting for the bathroom. 

Steve’s look of utter astonishment is priceless when the door opens to reveal Tony in nothing but a towel around his waist, his hair dripping on his bare shoulders.

“Morning, Steve,” Tony smiles bashfully, and Bucky is so, so screwed. He needs that smile aimed at him. 

He quickly walks into the hallway to give Tony room to change, and in a fit of bravery or stupidity - the jury’s out on that - he bents in to give Tony a quick kiss. “Hey, babe,” he smiles lazily and saunters past Steve. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's pov.
> 
> Some more clueless pining. Also: texting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is the third chapter of the fic that I never intended to write but is currently sitting at 6k with no end in sight... (send help).
> 
> It's for the prompt of day 4: surprise hugs.
> 
> (The prompt for day 3 will feature in chapter 4, which is bed sharing, and I'm looking forward to that myself xD)
> 
> Thank you QueenMaeve for betaing!

Tony wakes up from a dream where he’s somehow flipping pancakes on the beach, but then the stove topples with a loud bang and he shoots awake. He’s instantly aware he’s in an unfamiliar place, and while waking up in a stranger’s home isn’t something new, what _is_ weird is that he’s on the couch. By himself. In his shorts. And ohh. Bucky’s sweater. His eyes land on the owner of said sweater, scowling at him something fierce from a little distance. 

Right. Fake sleepover. 

Bucky obviously forces a smile onto his face when he reminds Tony of their goal and Tony pretends to yawn to hide his whatever this cocktail of feelings is. This is why he doesn’t do mornings. He hates mornings. Maybe after some coffee he can regain some of his equilibrium, but Bucky insists on them getting the place in order first. Might as well. The promise of good coffee lifts his spirits somewhat and he quickly helps Bucky muss his bed.

He carefully doesn’t take in too many details. Just the rough arrangement of furniture in case Steve asks, hurrying through his task so he can get into the shower and out of Bucky’s hair. Now that Tony’s brain is coming back online it’s hard not to let his eyes stray towards Bucky’s abs, what’s visible of them in between his robe, and Tony really didn’t need to know how well defined Bucky’s muscles are. 

It’s something of a relief when he can run into the shower and take some time to rehearse his role. He can do this. Has done this. Acting contrary to how he feels is nothing new. So what if Bucky is handsome and funny and _exactly Tony’s type?_ It’s not like Tony never had an unrequited crush before either. By the time he hears Steve yelling Tony has convinced himself he’s totally okay with their make-belief scenario and he can’t wait to troll Steve a bit.

Tony dries himself and steps out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel - go big or go home, right?- and the look of utter astonishment on Steve’s face does go a long way towards getting back at him for the party. But then Bucky steps up _and kisses him_ and all Tony can do is beat a hasty retreat into the bedroom. _Bucky’s_ bedroom.

He’s so screwed.

Without really seeing what he’s pulling on Tony hurriedly dresses himself. Joke’s been played and it’s time to go home and lick his wounds. Nothing leftover pizza and some heavy soldering can’t cure. Probably.

He steps out of the bedroom, ready to laugh at Steve and get the hell out of Dodge, but when he walks into the kitchen it’s to Steve hugging Bucky like he just got the best present ever.

At Tony’s footsteps, Steve releases a perplexed looking Bucky and turns to pull Tony into an equally bone crushing hug.

“I’m so happy for you guys!” Steve gushes when he lets go of Tony. “I just _knew_ you would hit if off, if I finally got you to meet!”  
  
Steve looks from Tony to Bucky and back, practically radiating sheer happiness. 

Tony shoots Bucky a panicked look. This wasn’t what they were gunning for at all, but Bucky looks equally flummoxed by the whole thing. 

“Sam said I shouldn’t stick my nose in your business, but you both deserve someone nice.” 

Steve shakes his head with a frown, like he had taken the singles fate of his two friends as personal blow. He steers Tony towards the tiny kitchen table where, as promised, a perfect espresso awaits him. “And I knew you two were perfect for each other. I just can’t tell you how happy I am for you,” he adds, looking so _sincere_ and so _overjoyed_ that Tony can’t bring himself to tell Steve he’s wrong. It would be like kicking a puppy. 

Neither can Bucky, it seems. Tony can’t decipher his look when Steve hugs him again, something between panic and constipation by the looks of it, and Tony hides his face in his cup. 

“So, how was the party? I bet you stole the show with your costumes, didn’t ya?” Steve asks as he sat down across from Tony, picking up his huge mug of tea. Again, Steve looks nothing but utterly sincere, and Tony shoots another glance at Bucky who’s busying himself with putting bacon into a frying pan.

“We were the only ones actually in costume?” Tony answers. Bucky’s back doesn’t reveal anything about whether or not Tony is on the right track here, but Steve looks aghast.

“No way! Brock explicitly told us it was a costumed party!”

Bucky turns around and smacks Steve on the back of his head. “Steven Grant Rogers. I told ya Rumlow’s an asshole. What the hell are you doin’ talkin’ ta him?”

“I didn’t! I talked to Jack! He’s nice. Sorta. I figured Brock wouldna lie to his bestie, would he?”

Bucky shakes his head and goes back to his frying pan, muttering “idiot,” under his breath. 

“Sorry,” Steve smiles at Tony. “I’m still glad you went though. Can I see your costume before you go?” 

“Sure, though it’s not in the same shape now as before,” Tony grins and regales Steve the story of how he got stuck in their doorway, while Bucky serves them bacon, eggs and toast. Steve keeps looking between them as they eat, looking pleased as punch, and laughs when Bucky exaggerates how Tony climbed out of the thing. 

“I didn’t backflip out of the suit, Buck,” Tony grins, surprised at how easy the nickname rolls off his tongue.

“It was a near thing,” Bucky counters and ladles some more eggs onto his plate.

Tony’s smile falters when he realizes how much he loves the domesticity of sitting together like this. He’s had no shortage of one night stands, but nobody ever wanted him to stay over for breakfast, waving him out of their house after an obligatory coffee. He has his Platypus, of course, who’s always willing to put Tony up in his guest room or sleeps over at Tony’s place after an ill advised night of heavy drinking or heavy gaming. But Tony wants this. He wants the full boyfriend package with morning kisses and breakfast and laughing. 

He shovels the remainder of his food into his mouth and manages to conjure up a large smile. “I’d better get going,” he says and gets up from his seat.

“Aww, but your suit?” Steve pouts, but Bucky is quick to interject. 

“You’ll show Stevie another time, right?” Seems like Tony isn’t the only one who wants him to leave asap. 

“Yeah, I got err… things to do, so I should…” Tony points behind himself, in the general direction of the exit.

“I’ll help you.” Bucky shoots from his seat and ruffles Steve’s hair. “You can do the dishes for makin’ us dress up like dolls.”

Steve huffs but pats Bucky on the rump affectionately. “Go on, go “help” your boyfriend,” he answers, making suggestive air quotes while wiggling his eyebrows.

“Punk,” Bucky mutters behind Tony, who has turned around to walk to the bedroom.

There really isn’t much to pack. There isn’t anything, really, but Bucky and him need a moment to discuss _what the hell they are doing,_ and Tony raises his hands in question as soon as Bucky closes the door behind himself.

“ _Bucky_?” Tony stresses the name, “what the hell?”

“I know,” Bucky mutters, pacing to and fro in front of the door as he rubs his face with his hand. “I just couldn’t, you know?”

Tony nods. He knows. “Like kicking a puppy.”

“I never thought he’d be so… so _happy,_ ” Bucky continues.

“Yeah,” Tony sighs and lets himself drop onto Bucky’s bed. He rubs his hands through his hair and tries to force his thoughts into some semblance of order. What if…

"What if we play along a little and then 'break up' but in a nice way?" Tony frowns, thinking that scenario through as his mouth pushes out the words. It could be kinda okay. He could have a little more of what they had this morning. Maybe Bucky and him could become friends for real. 

"Good thinking," Bucky nods, "that could work. He’d be sad, but not heart broken."

 _Like me_ , Tony thinks but pushes that stray thought away. 

"Right," he says instead. 

"Okay," Bucky nods. "We can do that. We just hafta hold hands and stuff, do some mushy things like that.”

It sounds an awful lot like Bucky is trying to convince himself he’s capable of touching Tony when it’s for a good cause, which is the complete opposite of flattering, but Bucky is steamrolling ahead before Tony can object.

“When should we meet next?"

It's the obvious next question to Tony's hare-brained continuation of Bucky's hare-brained plan, but it still catches Tony off guard. Rolling the idea around in his head is one thing, being insulted by Bucky’s reluctance is another, and executing it is another thing entirely. Because more than just emerging in Bucky's clothes - or Bucky's towel to be precise - this part involves actually acting like they like each other - _like_ like each other - and Bucky seems to do anything but.

"Are you sure about this?" Tony asks. The pep talk Bucky just gave himself doesn’t spark confidence, nor does the annoyed scowl Bucky wore when finding Tony on his couch only a few hours ago. 

“Sure I’m sure.” Bucky stops his pacing to glare down at Tony. “But if you want to back out…” he adds, not looking at Tony anymore like the entire exchange bores him already.

Well. If that’s how this is played. Tony’s not gonna let _Bucky Barnes_ shame him out of a game of gay chicken. Hell, he _invented_ the game and made the rules.

“Not me,” he answers and sits up a little straighter.

“Good,” Bucky frowns.

“Excellent,” Tony agrees and gets up.

“Let’s get started then.”

“By all means.” Tony is about to leave the room, but thinks better of it when he’s near Bucky. He reaches out slowly to keep Bucky from startling into punching him, and then musses his long hair - which has no business feeling as soft and nice as it does.

“There. You look like you passionately “helped” me,” Tony grins, making the same air quotes Steve did. 

Without waiting for Bucky to follow, Tony exits the bedroom and hurries to the door, yelling goodbyes to Steve. He only stops when he’s in his car and he leans his face against his arms on the steering wheel. What has he gotten himself into?

  
  


< _Steve says I should stop being a jerk and text you. Consider this a text. > _

It’s been three days since the disastrous party and Tony was increasingly more successful in pretending he had made the whole thing up. No body equals no crime, right? He had left his costume at Steve and Bucky’s. So, no costume equals no party equals no fake relationship with a guy who hates him. Simple. 

Unfortunately the text proves Tony might have a lot of brain power, but he’s not yet at the level where he can wish things into existence. Or out of, in this instance.

_ <Okay. Tell Steve I said hi> _

Tony hits send before he can overthink it. Not that it will matter much what he says, Bucky is only doing this to feel less guilty about pulling one over on his best friend.

_ <He says hi back> _

Tony snorts at his phone. He hasn’t partaken in this kind of non-communication since high school. 

_ <Thanks for telling me.> _

He thinks that’s the end of it and puts his phone down again to watch the show - some kind of thing with robo cowboy aliens? - but color him surprised when his phone chimes again.

_ <We’re watching Tangled, and now I can’t unsee Stevie with the long hair stuck in a tower> _

Tony chokes on his coke when he reads the text, the vision blooming before his mind’s eye in technicolour.

_ <God, that’s striking! Now I can’t unsee it either> _

_ <Think we can set him up for his own costume party like that?> _

Tony watches the message icon change from unread to read, but nothing happens after that, and he sighs. He shouldn’t get his hopes up based on one voluntary text, he chides himself and manages to lose himself in the show again.

_ <I would if I wasn’t scared he’d try to choke people with his wig> _

The message appears suddenly when Tony is in that half-asleep, half-awake state he sometimes falls into when watching tv, and he startles badly enough to let the phone drop on the ground. Cussing, he picks it up, but smiles when he reads the message.

_ <In that vein you can’t take him anywhere anymore> _

_ <Hence we’re inside watching tangled> _

_ <I fell asleep during some alien cowboy show, I think Tangled is the better option> _

Tony only hesitates for a bit before sending this. Bucky doesn’t like him anyway, he might as well come clean about living like a senior citizen. He turns off the tv and takes his phone with him to the bathroom, trying valiantly not to look at it as he brushes his teeth.

_ <Stevie can tell when I fake being asleep, I’m stuck here listening to him hum along> _

_ <We’re having a board game night Saturday and you should come> _

Tony reads when he’s done gurgling and walks to his bedroom. The first message makes him grin, but at the second his heart starts beating faster and he really tries to tell himself it's because he'll have to pretend, and not merely because this means he’ll see Bucky again.

_ <Okay> _

_ <What time?> _

_ <Six, and bring something to drink> _

_ <Okay> _

Tony waits ten minutes for another message to appear, but it doesn’t. He probably should have said something other than just ‘okay,’ but he couldn’t really think of something, and now it’s too late to add anything to it.

With a huge sigh that turns into a yawn halfway, he puts his phone away and turns off the light. Seems he’s got himself a fake-date.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://bill-longbow.tumblr.com) or join us on the 16+ [ Stuckony discord server ](https://discord.gg/jtXcc3n) for all things Tony, Bucky and Steve!


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